How Sad to Have It Backwards      When I was a young teenager, my father recalled what happened during his childhood when his family's minister (Methodist) came to the house. If the visit was a scheduled one, it went without saying that everything at home had to be "just so." Much fuss was made in preparation. My grandmother expected the (five!) children to be on their best behavior. The pastor would arrive, sit, sip coffee or tea (accompanied by some delectable, I'm sure), and chat. As routine as it all was, my father remembered that there was nonetheless a definite uneasiness and awkwardness whenever a minister visited. And they couldn't wait for him to leave! 
     Worse yet was when "the Reverend" was spotted heading for the house unannounced! Dad told us about the mad scramble just before the minister knocked on the door one afternoon as my grandmother and several friends were [GASP] playing cards (a sure sign of Godless depravity!)--something none of the ladies would ever want the pastor to know about. Everything was quickly bagged up in the tablecloth and socked away in the closet along with the card table which had been folded up in record time: a close call. 
     Such scenes were not limited to the customs of genteel society. The rector I worked with in Alabama told of visiting his grandmother's farm in southern Indiana when he was a little boy. He would spend entire summers there, and those days were the best of life--except for when "the preacher" was a guest! Then, instead of being able to run barefoot while dressed in overalls, little Gordon had to wear his best shoes and stiffly starched white shirts. He was made to sit up straight in hard wooden chairs, out of respect for the man of God. The preacher's coming was neither good news nor a welcome sight.
     Signs of the times? I'm   sorry to say I don't think so. People still very much have the attitude of "best face forward" for their clergy. I'm not concerned one way or the other about notions of social niceties for pastoral visits. However, I do worry that this might be indicative of something else which can be a serious problem. So very often, people feel reluctant or absolutely unable to share with their clergy the difficulties and ugliness in their lives. The values of "dressing things up" for the pastor can mean unreal pastoral relationships which are disconnected--and therefore, not meaningful--to what's really going on in life. It is common for someone to go to the priest and say "I know I should have come sooner, but you were the LAST person I wanted to know this about me." How sad. 
     THIS IS EXACTLY BACKWARDS. Your clergy should be the very people you can come to in all honesty, and feel safe and OK about it. Your priest should be the one person you are the most comfortable with in sharing the worst or simply being yourself! People tell us, "I worry about what you'll think of me." I answer by saying that I feel honored to share such matters with you, and my affection and respect for you actually increases as a result. We have a deeper, more real, and therefore more Godly relationship from that point on. This is the Church--not the Acme Judgement Co.! Yours in Christ
Shannon⁺