December 12, 2002
“Pray hard and let Jesus love
you.” With those words from Brother Daniel, I left out for Emery
House to start my 7 day retreat to discern God’s call. My choices
were to go forward in this life and become a novice or to go forward in
the world outside Society of St. John the Evangelist. I was also
to consider taking my middle name, Rufus, as my religious name.
I had a great hermitage (cottage)
just over the hill from Emery House on the edge of our woods. I had
a wonderful snowy scene the whole week and was entertained by about 6 deer
each evening near sunset.
I joined the Emery House brothers,
and other retreatants, for daily communion, midday prayer and lunch, and
evening prayer and supper. Meals were in silence. I met with
Brother Geoffrey once a day for about an hour to talk about the work of
the Spirit that day and to get some general direction for the next day.
I enjoyed greatly the silence, the rest, the walks in the snow, the solitude,
my Grandma’s cookies, the long times of reflecting on the Scriptures, and
doing some artwork.
I worked with some ‘call Scriptures’,
for example Abram, Moses and Saul and I also worked with some ‘name-change
Scriptures’, for example Abram, Joseph, and Simon Peter and read over the
Scriptures where Rufus is mentioned. [Mark 15: 21 and Romans 16:13 – believed
to be the same person.] The passages about Moses’ call and Joseph’s name-change
spoke to me the most.
Wednesday morning during the
communion service, it dawned on me, “I am going to stay and take the name
of Rufus so let go of the other options.” That helped. That
night I had a card from a brother that said he prayed I’d “find the freedom
to stay” and another retreatant at Emery House wrote in the prayer request
journal there “for Johnny to see he needs to be clothed and remain in this
life.” Those were affirming messages.
It wasn’t until the last day
of the retreat that the decision crystallized for me. I read Psalm
84:4 which reads, “Happy are the people whose…hearts are set on the pilgrims’
way.” That was it! I knew my heart was happy here and that
this felt like the pilgrims’ way for me so I’m going forward!
On December 23 at 6:00pm Eastern
time, I will be clothed in the habit of SSJE and become a novice.
At that time I will become Brother Rufus. My excitement and joy grows
as the date approaches. And it was really spurred on when my first
morning back here I opened my door and there was a box containing my brand
new habit. It feels great, and right, on me. So I am about
to begin this next 2 year phase and continue to listen for Christ’s leading
as I venture through it.
Thanks so much for your prayers
and encouragement while I was away. I enjoyed the company.
Johnny Van Horn
was clothed as a novice under vows of the Society of St. John the Evangelist
on December 23 and assumed his new Religious name, “Rufus” (only those
that know him in a professional capacity should use the name “Brother Rufus”).
When contacting him, it would be appropriate to use his new name of Rufus
which reflects his new life.
