I am in such a privileged position with my
vocation. Often I hear about the movement of God in and through the lives of
other people. It is both touching and moving. With permission of the author,
Bernard Hufft, I want to share with you one such letter I received. It
seemed like it spoke to a lot of us as we think about.
Letting Go……….
They are just two simple words, but words that have been weighing heavy on
my mind in the recent weeks. We all have heard Mother LaRae’s sermon that
have touched on “letting go”, or leaving the past behind. Still, to
“let go” is easier said than done. In our lives we all have had to deal with
some form of this. We have had to let go of a friendship that didn’t last,
or letting go of a child to grow and realize their independence, or sadly to
let go of a parent to some illness or let them go to their heavenly home. It
reminds me of when my father died in March of 1986. He had been in a nursing
home for several days due to the fact he needed twenty four hour care. I was
in our family home by myself; trying to deal with being independent. It was
hard; the nights especially. I would lie awake in my bed just listening to
the quietness of that old house. At 3 p.m. on March 12, I would experience
the second “letting go” experience of my young life; the first being in 1983
with the death of my mother. We received a call from the nursing home that
my father had gone into cardiac arrest. My brother, sister-in-law and I
rushed to see him. When we arrived, a nurse met me at the door; telling me
that the EMT’s were helping my dad. We then sped off to the emergency room.
While I was driving, a flood of memories came to my mind, so little time I
had with him, but the memories were cherished. I watched my father take his
last breath, and then he just stopped breathing. I guess God was ready for
him now. He was up there in Heaven with my mother, and all those that had
gone before him. I had to “let go”. It was tough, very tough, but I did the
best I could. Again, it was the nights that were the toughest. I would
experience another letting go with the death of my brother in 1998.
Fast forward to 2008, and my life has taken a 360. I am now a graduate, with
my AA in Liberal Arts, and looking forward to the days ahead. The past few
weeks though, have been tough. In the midst of celebrating my blessings, and
good fortune, I had to experience another “letting go”. I had to put my
faithful four legged companion Hunter to sleep on Wednesday May 7, two
days before I graduated. It was one of the toughest and loneliest “letting
go” I have had so far. She was 15, and had cancer, which had been removed
once but had come back with a vengeance. I can’t explain what happened only
to say that she was in pain. I rushed her to Stephen King, who was her vet,
and I could tell by the look on his face the inevitable, but I had to make
that decision. He gave her something to calm her down, but in the end, I
think she was just tired and ready to go. She waited until Judy DeShong and
Mary Lou Parks arrived, and then Mary Lou called Stephen to meet us at his
office. The experience that followed brought back those memories of that
afternoon in that little emergency room in Lumberton Mississippi, in 1986. I
held her until she went to sleep, and then it was over. Judy couldn’t go in
the room, so Mary Lou helped. I came home, sat at the top of my steps and
cried. Again, the nights are the hardest. I look for her at the foot of my
bed. I wait to hear her jump on the bed to sleep next to me. I catch myself
in the mornings wanting to take her outside. I guess old habits are just
hard to break. For several mornings after my father died I would cook
breakfast for two, just like I had been doing since I was 15. Then one
morning, I got up and just cooked for one. Just like I now don’t have a
reason to leave the radio on anymore when I leave home.
Letting go can be a wonderful part of life, if you think about it. Our loved
ones that have gone on before us are now out of pain, reuniting with others,
and waiting on us. Our four legged friends do that too. No more pain, no
more hurt. I think God prepares us in a way for letting go in all aspects of
this life, in his own unique way. I have to believe that he wanted me to
finish this semester, and for me to know that I was going to be all right,
before he was ready for Hunter. And….I was, but the nights are still hard. I
guess eventually I will have to “let go”, of that feeling too.
